Tick tock goes the clock

Here I am just sitting and waiting. Only about an hour and 20 minutes until our ideal departure time.
I am as ready as I will ever be.

Please be praying for the trip and my time out there!

Thanks friends! See you in two months!

I've been holding on

I have been so incredibly blessed this year. I have met so many amazing people.

To think that I wanted nothing to do with the college groups merging...

Change is hard for me. I know that. I know that this summer will change my life. That thought is so scary. It is also very exciting!

I know that it is only goodbye for the summer. I had no idea how hard this would be. I guess that is what happens when you meet people who change your life and when you get to know people who love you for who you are. I can't even describe how much I love these people. How much I love Flood.

As hard as this is I believe that this is also good. I think it is good that I am so sad about not seeing everyone for 2 months. It just makes me realize that relationships matter and my friends are so important!

So, I got updates from my internship director...

I have raised 150 dollars out of 800. I need 650 dollars more by June 1st

I just have to trust God that He will provide. But to be honest...I am freaking out a bit...


Last night was the first goodbye that I had to say. Tomorrow will be many more...

Then Thursday. Then Sunday...

I leave a week from tomorrow! ahhh

230 am.
im tired...but also wide awake.
Such a good night. Such good conversation with basically everyone I talked to.

I got a little emotional tonight...everyday that my trip comes closer I get a little bit more scared/excited/worried.
I was thinking and I figured out that seperation from the people I love is one of the hardest things for me and that is why I find myself sad about this.


I have to be up early...goodnight!

I’m fighting the doubting with all that I am

Tonight I came to the realization that summer is pretty much here.

I am leaving in two weeks.
I can't believe that it is actually going to happen.
Monday is going to be so good. So sad. It will be a much needed girls night but I dont want to say goodbye.

I know it's only for the summer...I know that come August we will all be reunited.

I am so afraid that when I come back...nothing will be the same and that I will have to start all over.

Right now I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I know that this internship will be amazing and that I will grow and learn SOOO much. I have to put these fears behind me. I have to cling to the One who gives me hope, who gives me love, who gives me life.

on another note...The rest of this week should be good.
Thursday-Breakfast with Brian, work, office finale
Friday- Last day at party city, work, then who knows
Saturday- cpr class then once again...who knows

...

I suck at life sometimes.
I really am just needing a day to get away.

I feel stressed. That may be an understatement.

I miss my parents. Sunday was such a sad mothers day. I hate new mexico. It stole my parents!

when things start to fall into place I feel like everything is turned upside down again.

Please pray for my Aunt Cindy. They found pre-cancer cells...Pray for her family

One of the worst feelings is feeling like a bad friend, apologizing and them saying it's okay and pretty much saying you have.


Things that are happy

My amazing roommate
Quitting party city on friday
Babies
Good talks with friends

Looking up I pray my doubt you'll crush

Do you ever just feel like you have everything against you?

I hate cars. I hate money. You need both of those to do road trips so the work must be done.
350 dollars later and I have a newly tuned up car and brand new fluids.
Only like 500 more dollars to go. Plus I have only raised 10 dollars out of 800 for the internship.
I think this is God's way of making me trust Him, especially with my finances.

I am stressing out. I am exhausted. I feel sick. I am scared. I have regrets. I can't focus.
But....
I am loved. I have wonderful friends and family. I am growing. I am safe. I am loved.

Life is stormy but it's been worse.

Please be praying. I feel like a mess...

Yes God...I hear you

proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

And there He goes again. When I am worried and when I am stressed He reveals that I need to trust him. He will lead me. I was at work(party city) and I was going over an invitation order and guess what verse happened to be on the response cards? And guess, just guess what I have been struggling with?

When I least expect it...God shows me what I need to know. I was so encouraged.

Ouch

It is never easy realizing that your faith in God is not what it should be.

Last night Matt reminded us that we need to let people know what is going on in our lives. We need to let people pray for us. So right now, and I wish this was more personal, pray for me please. I am overwhelmed. I am drained. And I am scared. Please just pray that I will find my hope in Him and feel secure in His plan.

I am leaving in 22 days. eeek

Adventure time?

So yesterday one of my friends told me that they liked how open I was to new things. I responded with "well, you only live once!"

What?! Did I actually say that?

I used to be so afraid to live. I used to be afraid of failing or making a mistake and though those are both still a HUGE fear of mine I am learning to put that aside.

After the events of yesterday I realized that it is good to have no plans sometimes. It is such a great thing to wake up in the morning with an adventure in mind but no set plans. It's good to go to the beach and people watch. It's good to drive around aimlessly until you get to a place that is just right. It is good to eat a total of 9 fortune cookies over the course of 2 hours with one of your best friends!(yes we each ate 9 haha) It is good to scream and laugh and cry in excitement while you are waiting at a stop light!

Life is short so have as many adventures as you can!